Home

jz heard a song called "Home" from Michael Buble and again i miss home..... it was very hard for me to continue torturing myself with the fact that the girl i like trying to avoid me. I feel ashame to admit it since i couldn't let her get of my mind in this one year time. I tired but my heart died when i try to treat myself like this. A female friends asked : what so special about her? she is not pretty enough, and she is not even got an awesome body shape and what made u so crazy about her!!' she sound very surprise that when she found out i still waiting for that girl....i replied : ya, she is not very pretty than it is good that i after her is not because of her appearance!

But why!! till now i still cant figure out=( i giving up my relationship with a girl that i feel very sorry to her with i really could give her any commitment and the other with she tried to hint me that she got feeling on me but i just turn my back to her just because of the girl that i after( i think should give her a code or nick that easier to understand.......erm.....what JA? i use to call her like this with my friends) Y'day during my lab while i tried to give a break for me to get rid of her for 1 second i went boyroom to wash my face, and i saw her!!!coming out but immediately she saw me then she went in again as in like try to joining her friends...Heart break......

After her for one year already, i didn't actually chat with her personally much. But i found that the most joyful moment is that i chat with her day before her b'day although is just one and the half hour, it really make me feel like the only men in the world or maybe something more than that..Then tried to ask her out for a meal but she refused as she already date with her friends for her birthday. Then i went to the chilis with my housemate as i say treat her as a celebration for her coming b'day, but the reason is that i jz hope that i can get out so that i still have the very very minute chance to meet her somewhere....then end up i spend hundred for a meal and yet i still cant see her. How silly i am='( But i just want to be with her that's is, i don't think i will be a lousy partner till i ignore her feeling and share her everything if she want to. I don't mind her take me for granted, but i know she wont since she don't even want to face me. i am such a useless person which i am so weak of trying to hold someone hand.....