This worst things again happen to me='(

I admit that i am way too much of telling this kind of things at this moment. i screwed up myself for waiting a girl for more than one year, is kinda sad for me not because i couldn't get her as a girlfriend but is the matter of the things i had been done in this pass one year she just can't see anyone of them. She really means a lot to me! A questions from her that why i still keep waiting for her so long and is that anything so special about her. I just couldn't give her proper answer that why and why. I just into her so much and i couldn't control, i think she will avoid me for sometime for me to "calm down" starting from now. But i thinks this will be ok with me since i never draw any attention to her. This week, i used hours looking at her from the back of the lecture hall just to console myself that she will realized that i will treat her very nice more than i can do to anyone around me but she just don't let me to show that how much i care about her and the other reason is that we will be skipped 3 months for industrial training and most likely i wont be seeing her for that long and i afraid that i will forget how she look within this period. Yesterday i told myself that i don't want to staring her from the back anymore if i really still want her mine i should talk to her whenever i like and wont ever avoid eye contact with her....yes, no more chicken here! Just go for it you got nothing to lose anymore yongjian! Althogh she told me that i am not the type she want but how could a girl ever tell u she might give u a chance before if she hated you so much. I think there is still a reason. I just want to figure out! So far i had been wating so long and now i really don't even have any interest towards other girls around me. I think i in trouble since the idea that keep waiting so long for this girl maybe is just an excuse for me to avoid myself get in to a realationship. I not kinda saddism she rejected me two days ago and i felt nothing to it and i just hope that i could do anything for her. Maybe treat her nicer than me myself and audience watever or whoever she is in love with and so so...i just don't mind to be a loser......