My latest trip to Kuala Terengganu

Suicide!!?

Y'day i was on the flight back to KL..Weather not really nice for landing, lot of turbulance and shaking.. suddenly i felt really purposeless and dunno wat should i do (i mean for myself). I only work and work and work...at first OT every weekday, then OT plus standby, then OT plus standby plus work on weekend once a while... till now i work most of the weekend.. Where i ready to work 24/7.. But end up wat i get?? Money? Don think so cz don really earn much..satisfaction? not really, cz m not happy with the system currently practicing..then wat else? NONE!!! I only work for the sack of work but i don really do something to myself..i need to be care and to care about someone, but it seems like impossible for me. I care bout family but i cant go back my home frequently with my stupid working condition. then i dream for someone but she seems like never appear in my life.

And why is that everyone around me expect i MUST have a girlfriend???? Everytime i go out alone for movie or shopping, ppl will ask "U ALONE???" wat the heck...obviously i am alone there!! don ask the question u already got the answer!!! Last weekend after work, went for a show.. the moment buying ticket, saw a secondary school junior. she was very surprise to see me. Not because of seeing me after few years back, but because of I AM ALONE. Fine...forget bout her and go for movie. Enjoyed. But wen stepped out from the cinema, meet my ex-gf roommate.. again, she was surprising i was alone.. Wat the heck..i am alone cz still single..straight forward cz everybody can see it. But i am alone not because of i kena dump by Yenhoong or anything regarding to her...I just cant find a partner simple and easy.. so I still single...Got it? so don ask me if m alone cause yeah u r damn rite i am alone for movie and shopping so how!!!

Detox

There is a lot of mess in my life...my living style, my career, my room, my desk and lot more to go... hehe... So now i m serious about what's happening around me. i want things to get more organize and in proper order..

Start from right now i will detox all my life and hopefully will get a better me instead=) This month boss want me to based in kl (means no outstation) so i got plenty of times. instead of wasting time on friendster or some useless website i decided to study and equip myself for coming tasks=) I m positive!!!

Don't ever ever try to be nice!!!!

This is the lesson that as a mankind!!! Don't try to be smartass and think that u are the super one in office or in your life that u can help everyone!!! Cause this is the consequences!!! Rm 120 just gone like this!! my poor bluetooth =( sob sob... trying to help someone in office but ended up my bluetooth was nicely crashed by a lorry...sob sob

So... Moral of the story...don be so helpful=) hehe...hope u all learn this oso..kekeke...

drop of coffee

Blek...give me another drop of coffee!!! hehe...current i am trying to cut down my coffee intake...erm...or in fact i should say cutting down starbucksing=) hehe..but with this pic i think most of you can understand how i feel rite now=P

Now waiting for my appraisal=( next months eat grass or makan ular all depends on today, moreover the appraisal take place in front of me. Scary men!!! i can merely hear wat my director said..ahh...now they talk bout insentive and bonus...wat the heck!!! *praying praying* bai bai.....amitabah!!! poh pi poh pi.....kekeke

New look

last nite went to saloon for haircut, then tat damn sweet talking hairstylist persued me to color my hair...at first i jz don feel like do it.but i had pair of soft ear...wat the fock!!! i dye my hair with the color that look weird myself, eventhough other say is ok...I am think to color black=(

CNY approaching

recently do nth at all and jz hope tat the CNY can come faster so i can go back home soon...i had been long time i don really go back to home in johor d..lot of frens i haven met in 2 years. Hope can see them all this time=)

Date....

can u imagine after so long i finally pick a date!!! wuahahaahah....unbelievable eventhough is not an official date or a lovely couple going out date...but i cant believe, still, i actually when out with a totally new gal to me for movie and meals....honestly she is so sweet i donno whethere she is really the type i looking for but i m sure she is very atrractive, not to me only but i think generally she is attrative to all=) She told me that she is kinda quiet type but in the end of the day i found tat we got look of things to talk and we even talk more than when i was dating with HER last time..haha..i like communicate and we are communicating. I am not sure m her type or she is my type but wat i do sure is i like to communicate and she is will like to communicate...that's a good beginning, i mean to be friends...is still too early to after her or say i m fall in love with this gal but all i feel is peace and relax now...i never felt so for 8 months... and this time for me to relax and not to worry bout things that doesn't belong to me at all....POSITIVE...and i am fine now....watever i may happen in future, all i wan to say here is thank you all the friends for being so supportive...thx

ahhhh...

having migraine for bout a week already...but don really wish to see a doctor since the only drug they will give me is panadol...so wat for i go for them=) recently find tat before go bed have a few sips of vodka make me sleep even better and i can go in deep sleep without any disturbance..towards the end of 2007 and is a sad year for me since i lost one thing that i wish i will never pick up it before....it hurts me so much and i take months to recover and finally i let go that thing that i souldn't even think about it now..Life now busy but happy and enjoy. Earning and oso spending....hehehe...i used to spend a lot since i was from secondary school and now i realised how stupid i am to throw all the money to nowhere...m growing much more than i was, i wish to save lot so i can make my dream come true..bit hard but i am trying. Apart from tat, finding soulmate is a very long journey and i have no rush in that jz wish i will be happy and don't even have to bother about girl anymore...and relax frensss...heheh...i mean i no need to worry after a gal then kena dump again, i am totally absolutely normal and i am not gay=)

Update of recently life

i still cant figure out why i keep update my latest status...i know this blog only less than 5 ppl of fren knw bout this and i will never want other to really knw what i am thinking=) anyway, life getting even more busier than i was, almost everyweek now i got to outstation to different part in malaysia and this week i was alone driving all the way to jb. I then melacca and later muar only i back to kl...took bout one week time in southern area. eventhough i am originated from johor but honestly speaking i don really like jb cz i cnt feel any sense of belonging and secure there... this working experience there was disaster where i encounted lot of stupid so called higher educated ppl yet then keep hinting me to treat them meal for those training they suppose to learn...and like i will do so...somemore i cant tolerate with ppl forgot watever they promise to me. the journey still ok but i really don like ppl there...sori for those whose stay in jb but consider as civilized jb ppl. i apologized for u all but i really don like those idiot i encounter these past few days...then next week i dunno where i will be ended up with and hopefully i cant jz stay office to finish up some of my things...

Apart from that i met with a gal which fren introduce to me...i find it very strange that i don have those spark where i used to have when i saw my ex but she look fine to me and i think is worth it to give it a try...never felt this way after my terrible breakup bout year ago...i feel good when the new gal was with me but i still dunno her much in fact i can say i knw nth bout her besides her name. anyway i wont take any action to after this gal but i will rather spend time to knw her more see she is my type or not=) wish me good luck then=P ha..

Another week start...this week i ended up in Kota Baru- Main city in Kelatan state. Things here rather slow compare to KL and even slower than my hometown Batu Pahat. Nth really interesting here besides lot of nasi kukus and nasi kerabu. But very funny thing is in here i can see a lot of signboard in arab...road dicrectory, Ad, shop name and lot more...never expect i will see all this in m'sia. But ppl here are quite nice. Gentle and softspoken not like KL...but hardly u can find chinese here...U can only see Chinese in China town...or i will rather call it china street. The city size is not as big as KL nor Batu Pahat. not much place hanging around only one shopping more here-KB mall. but i saw a very nice cafe or i should say is a private library where they have book and very chinese type of cafe...but i don really have time to go in tat place...if i do then sure i will bring some photo here to show..haha...today is a busy day but busy for nth..kekeke....tomolo going to start training again then heading to Kemaman and K. Terengganu and Kuantan...then back kl by the day after...MIss all the things and fren in KL!!!! but wat i need to do is enjoy my time here 1st...hehehe

Very tired

this week i have been based in hospital so i need to go there everyday and work like i m one of the stuff there...is very hard expecially those doctor and nurses whose dunno u at all and see u as alien there=) today is my time for presentation to nurses regarding to my product, took it as normal task and din really put effort into it this time..hehe...after my presentation then i fall asleep there with my hands and legs opened straigh and mouth opened also...muakakakaka....lol...too tired d...last nite wen movie with housemate, on the way home then block by police car and found out that we din actually switch on the light...hahahahah....wat the crap...then kena summon kekekek...luckily isn't me the driver. with that we high till 2sth i baru go bed..this morning wake up late and forgot to iron shirt...hahahaha....wat a lousy way to start a day. then in hospital do nth actually jz keep dreaming=) very very tired....dunno why...maybe is this 2 weeks i exercised a lot till i cant afford wat i am doing. but is fine!!! keep me away from those things i don wan to face it...

A very Long day

friday nite after happy hour in home doing nth i was decided to bring housemate out for tim sum in jalan ipoh and everyone was so happy..after that home bout 2 sth and start to get sply since it was a long day for me..lot of things need to get ready in office before hand and also lot of visiting to hospital to troubleshoot. then i decided to take a nap without brush my teeth=) ( don ever let my dad know or else he will kill me for this) hahahah...then around 3 sth in the morning i received a call and jump up to take the call...hospital somewhere got problem=( then need to troubleshoot and guide them wat to do...in fact i oso not sure whether my advice is rite or wrong so need to call senior to comfirm before contact to the hospital again....this continued till 5 sth in the morning and too tired for me to think anymore...ok went sleep 6 sth and wake up 10am...call from hospital again...ahhhh....give me a break till i rest enough ....jz enough to think...hahaaha...kinda tired but very syok can handle case alone...then after a few call till 11sth.finally finished all the things and settle watever i can done for them and they are ok with that...but receive a call again ask me to go another hospital to setup the machine!!!ahhhh....but eventually the senior say he can go on his own and i promised him i will go by tomolo to check on the patient...so i need to work tomolo. So pls give me sometime to recover ya=) i will better i do some exercise lateron hahaha...enjoying working life now, so i can forget watever need to be forgotten!!! life still have to move on and i wish all the patient get well asap....be strong cz patient fight to live and yet i was because of a gal wan to give up myself is totally wrong...i wish i cound fight my life to a better end....

REal excited

this midnite received a called from colleague while i was yumcha~ing with housemate outside. Stunned...Tot got a new trial case in one hospital that they are very new to our equitment. then colleagua told me that was any case in one local hospital which need to go over to take a look.12am fetch all housemate home and grapped a jeans and wore it on. Then Speeding...met up with colleague in her house and went over the hospital. On that journey had some conversation with colleague since is my 1st real case.

Jeass : Are scared bout this sudden call since is your 1st time?
Jian : Erm... not really. in fact i am very exciting now....hahah
Jeass : Hahah....lol
Jian : Finally i got a real case which i can troubleshoot and not jz giving training.
Jeass : Ha...u r really a clinical type..

Few minutes after arrived the hospital and this is the 1st time i can park my car anywhere in that hospital!!!!hahaha....then ran over to ICU, the moment stepped in a black colour coffin was pushed out from the door where i stood with Jeass. Feeling? Numb..anything to say? Rest in peace.. then quickly went over looked for person in charge and solved the problem..

2.40am settled all, fetch jeass back and balik...the moment dropped jeass in her bf condo, tummy start maked noise. What the heck!!! Hungry...called up housemate for second round...but all slept d. Tak guna....went McD bought nugget set, back home makan and watch bleach...wuakakkaak...too excited cant sleep. makan till 3sth and finish 2 episodes then tidur. Till now i am still very excited bout this mid nite..

I am bAcK=)

haha...it's been long time i din actually login to my blog. Real busy recently and before that have a bad break up with gal so i was quite demotivated to put sth here...but I am back now...sober and positive now. I am with a company which support lot of surgical equipment in southeast asia. My job function will be giving lot of trianing to nurses and doctor regarding to the surgical thing and troubleshoot whenever encounter with some technical problem and i m quite happy with current company. The pay is quite ok and no target to hit is the most important thing=) but life nowadays quite lonely, everyday after work jz go home j. need someone to care bout me but too bad really hard for me to fall in love again...i am extremely scare of start up a new relationship! i cnt afford to lose again and cz i lost more than i can afford last time. I wish can fall in love, holding other hand and enjoy the morning walk in small park and get out togather for meal..but I scare=( so i only can see frens pak toh and i be the lightbulk all the time...anyway i need someone to talk to...anyone free then jz give me a sms or call lah=)

Third department in 2months time=)

Sound like a bit weird in 2 months time keep changing department rite=) hahaha....relax is jz that i finish my training and heading for other task. Nth to do with my performance and besides that i quite happy with my progression jz that my manager always say i m the slowest...but i don agree with tat cz if compare with other 2 girls whose enter the company with me i already finish 2 of the department and go for advanced level but one of them still in her very first depart and the other gal still in hematology1...my manager keep on complaining my progress is so slow till i delay other progression...wtk...she keep on saying i enter urinology depart for 3 week is kinda of wasting other time...but hey Ms A i actually enter tat depart for one week plus 3 days only lah...which this include my 2 day MC...is you who delay the whole progress....the first week i suppose change to urine depart is U ....U are the one who ask me remain in hemato depart since not enough stuff...then now u blame me for such stupid delaying that is cause by U...don u ever see i had done i lab...i m the one who did most of the things...try to ask around and ask those gal knw wat they doing or not...see they knw how to make conclusion when they were given a medic report...i beg they only can tell the story less than 5 min which is "I DON'T KNOW"....but anyway is ok with me since everyone in tat lab knw i am picking up fast except tat TROuble maker Ms A...but who cares? I got my own plan...jz wait and see...oh ya...next monday i will start drawing blood from patient and my training will be done with 120 patients poke by me ....hahahaha....so far i only poke 3 pity malay guy...hahahaha...my 1st is Abang Khairi 3 times,then malay dispatch boy (1time), and a technician from Sysmex which need blood badly to run the machine so here i am=) hahahah...Poking once already kao tim=) but i knw next week will be totally different since is patient so they will act totally different...anyway m ready=) hopefully wont cause trouble lah....off now...B

recent life

actually i can catogorise myself as lifeless group now, i try to plan sometime to learn for my particular interest-shooting- but this stupid lab i m working now keep me working till 8 pm or even later only i can pack my thing back...and guess wat the pay i jz get is lesser than wat i expected although my pay already very low....shit tat stupid asshole...need me finish all the job by end of the day but stingy to give OT when my OT is 500 bucks this month then they change me working time...ask me enter 1030 instead of 830 so tat i will only get my OT after 7 30...wtf...then workload still the same....fuck...so since tat day whenever there a peak season then i will work after9pm....stupid rite...today i get my pay cheaque d...is fucking fucking less...and i m the 1st get the pay among new stuff..and my collegue can even believe that our pay is so low...even a slave is better than us....her face totally stunned when saw the amout on that cheaque...suppose scientist will get a better pay rite, we are so called PROFESIONAL group rite...why our pay is so little? u may wonder how little is it rite...believe me is extremely low but i wont tell..say an amout and it may less than that...but working life keep me busy keep me away from missing a gal...a gal i love so much...away from all the thing she did to me and the cut she left me....i start to learn how to protect myself from a gal...start learning how to get used to life after work,eat alone, movie alone, shopping alone....i learn hard and hope i can used to life alone...i will try to earn as much as i can, learn to forget her since she left me no hope in patching back again...i really feel pity with ending our relationship like this, cz i love her so much but wat can i do!! Just forget her and trust no gal...treat myself good will be enough!! love myself men...and one more thing!!! I am quiting from smoking now, stop drinking oso....i stop addicted to coffee and wine now...sober lot...

Message of the day...WTK

YH :

"Wat i wanna say, i d wrote it in sms. If u cant get it, i dun thk u cn get more thing wen we meet. Bt if u d get wat i mean in sms, da's good and da's it, no need 2 meet and talk more"

First part of the sentence show that this is a girl who is very irresponsible since she put all the feeling into 160 words short message with lot of short form in that. Of course u will say the message up there still ok but honestly i already translated some of the "allien" words in to ENGLISH. With 160 words wat can u tell for a relationship? Also she try to avoid to meet with me since she know dismissed me with sms is totally unacceptable and is too much. She feels sorry to me since she don wan to see me cause she found guilty grow in her heart and she guilty for dumped a guy who love her so much and care for her.

While for the second sentence show that she afraid to confront with problem and kinda coward. She can make a even be responsible for her decision, and she afraid to admit that she is a loser cause she avoid to meet me. With 1 msg 160 words, 2 for 320 words for even more msg but how are we going to describe our feeling with that kinda little words....unless someone is very good in her language...but for YH i don think so..she cant even express her feeling when deal with people face to face and how is she going to tell everything in sms..

The last sentence, she force someone the accept her totally ridiculous decision and try to act like she is one kind and u have to accept watever she said...Oh yeah...U KNOW WAT!! U treating guys like shit like slave..Guy shouldn't be treated like tat....with statistic show that the ration of guy to girl is 1:7 now that's mean one guy got seven choice to find a partner. Since she was so lucky to have one like her so much, she abandoned him...Oh yeah...U KNOW WAT!! Don hurt people again and don ever say u fall in love with a guy anymore....Bullshit...u don even knw how to appreciate a guy....

Conclusion is that she is such a terrible girl messing around say wan find true love but hurt guys so much..She is totally irresponsible for words she said before, coward, and a girl totally dunno how to communicate with people at all..interpersonal and intrapersonal skill all failed..I now hate myself for wasting 3 year on her..she is trying to avoid me but next month is our convocation so she still will see me but too bad...now on i will treat her like a stranger and never ever believe in her..I hate her for so unfair to me!!!

Wat a loser did

I was quite confused with my feeling..She dumped me with no good explanation and she refuse to take my call or even see me, but i still cant give up like everybody said. This is my first time i learned hard to love somebody although was my second gf..I tried everything that i think is right and logical to treat her, i think i was teaching her how to be smarter. But seen like i am wrong...very very wrong....i always complaint she din talk to me and keep quiet, but i realized that she sometime did give me some of her opinion but those pieces of thinking sound like silly to me so i do give junk of rubbish to her that i am right...i think is my kinda of "Yeah, I AM RIGHT" let her feel that i am not her type...But honestly i still really cant forget her and i still very love her..can God pls give me a chance again and i promise i will do better and respect her more!I just come let go her...I love the girl too much...

Guess wat?! Officially i had been dumped...

Feel sad?!
Not really...

Feel happy?
Definitely not...

life goes on..i still have to find a job which can earn my life and continue to find wat the purpose of my life..i feel miserable even more than before...I try to be a real good boyfriend and i confuse whether i am really such a loser or not. It showed that i really don really knw how to handle a relationship and looks like i jz lose my faith on promising. Wat the hell is promise? say and forget it...yeah...sound like that...damn cool men...never ever know wat is the shit bout promise someone...end up they jz fooling around with ur trust...I am off a relationship and i m not gonna to suicide again..i am lost...